The following membership is confidential and all names have been encrypted...
You know who you are.....
Are you... whom you think.....
All new applicants please take note...
Unfortunately all operations have been suspended during "Lockdown 69" of which the first chapter in the manual
However for your own personal consumption, I can acknowledge full membership of C.O.C.K.
and that your name has been added to our ledgers etc....So until better times keep safe!
A tribute to a fallen member... James Spooner.
James Spooner has passed away...
An Ode... by Nazneen a COCK member...
Stop all the C.O.C.K.s,
Cut off the telephones,
Prevent Taccy from neighing on the Duchess' lawn,
Silence the spy music,
And with the National Anthem playing,
Bring out the coffin,
For he has been slain...
In pursuit of Steeles Pots and Pans technology,
Never let it be known... his life was in vain....
Yes... he was respected... by many...
The muffled feet of the dull grey horses slowly pulled the coach containing Lord Spooner of
Gretna Green (posthumous).....
to his final resting place in Westminster Abbey. In his lifetime Lord Spooner had achieved significant success
in his positions with MI6 and as Defence Equerry to the Royal Family he was much revered.
His State Funeral was a small reward to a man who had given up so much to public life.
Bella Ridley was the first of the mourners following the cortege as it entered the Abbey. For her it was a double mourning….
her boss and playmate, Belinda Blumenthal, was missing, presumed dead......
To join up and serve Steeles Pots and Pans in their time of perilous need, send an email to
stating which office you'd like to be assigned to. Personnel with emergency injury experience most wanted.
Plese note your duties may include a one day training course with Belinda Blumenthal and James Spooner (deceased but in angel capacity).
If required this will take place at your assigned office; Would you like to be prepped at RADS.... this can be arranged on a no fee basis.
Please wear woolenish clothing and frilly undergarments. To be completly sure of success we advise black knee length leather boots
with pink tassles around the top. Thanking you in advance, onwards and upwards.
Here's two good examples of how to get onto the team... well Bill from HR likes them...
Application for COCK Regional Manager Scandinavia; Gothenburg office;
Dear Mr Flintstone (aka F)
Bet on me and I will go all in!
I refer to the recent death of your last Regional Manager in Scandinavia and hereby
apply for the replacement of the Regional Manager Scandinavia.
Each time i apply for a job there´s no vacancy but in this case i have caught you
red-handed and you have no excuse because i have attended the funeral to be
sure he was truly dead and buried before applying.
His death certificate and my references are available upon request.
Tomas "Mr Wood (C.O.C.K?)" Laigar
Dear Mr. Flintstone,
I am writing in response to a job position regarding membership with the Confidential Order of Cookware Knights.
I noticed that you have no operatives running a West Berlin office, and I would like to apply for the position.
Do I live in West Berlin? No, but I met someone who was there once and quite frankly, C.O.C.K. members going to
Berlin usually bungle things up.
Do I have extensive experience with pots and pans? Well I own a kitchen, so you tell me.
Do I have spy experience? Yes but I can't tell you about it.
You may have not heard of my exploits during the Caspian Sea crisis in 2017, the top secret theft of the Taj Mahal,
or finding my aunt's lost cat.
I require no training and no oversight, just give me the title and paycheck and don't ask me any questions.
You may not hear from my office for months, even years, at a time but don't be concerned!
No news is good news, as they say, and an esteemed cookware spy such as myself would never simply take C.O.C.K.'s money and run.
I vow, if you put me in position in West Berlin, I will make sure that the Cold War and all its intrigue are not resurrected,
which I think is Bisch's plan. I don't know.
I'm really just along for the ride. But so is Bella, and you let her into C.O.C.K.
Director of Secrets
West Berlin office for C.O.C.K.
RSM West Berlin, Steele's Pots and Pans (Jus paddin the ol résumé)
And one from Millie...
Dear Mr Flintstone,
It has recently come to my attention that there is a vacancy in the Confidential Order of Cookware Knights.
Currently, there is a lack of representation within the Philippine office. I feel like I can fulfil this requirement.
From experience, I am aware that filipinos use both pots and pans and therefore I will be able to maintain my cover of Sales Director.
I require minimal training and will be ready to answer the call at a moments notice.
Like Belinda, I am a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants and when you get what you want, you feel great!
I have stocked up on plastic handcuffs: and am ready to serve.
I have stayed up to date regularly on the briefings delivered by Agents Alice, Jamie and James.
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of James Spooner. I will serve in his honour.
Thank you a wok for your consideration and in this trying time, I hope you remain well.
Dear Mr Flintstone,
I am emailing you to enquire about a recent job listing I saw for a head of sales at the Adelaide Offices here in Australia.
We have recently been voted the best city to live in in Australia so I imagine that there will be a huge need for more cookery soon.
I would be avaliable for training at any time (day or night).
Here in Adelaide we are big fans of pots and pans and I already know the difference between a wok and a sauce pan
so I think I am uniquely suited for this position.
It also gets cold here in winter so I have a wardrobe of woolenish clothing as per the job description.
It rather looks like I have the clothes of many long done grandmothers. I hope they are partying in heaven with Dick Van Dyke.
Yours most cordially,
For the eyes of FLINTSTONE, R only.
I am writing with urgency regarding suspected suspicious activity in Newcastle, NSW.
Of late I have noticed many local cook shops have been selling pots, pans, woks, and other such cookware,
at heavily discounted prices.
The deals are fantastic and, as an avid user of such cookware, I have definitely taken advantage of these sales.
However, I suspect that this sudden desperation to move units is due to an impending leak of Steele's Oxibrillo blue prints.
We have heard rumours in Australia that a hot air balloon was recently spotted from the scrub and dust,
and that secret meetings have been taking place in upmarket locations across Sydney.
While the exact outcome is not yet clear, I am fearful of the impact this could have across the cookware industry,
and although I have no spy experience (that I am able to inform you of, WINK) I would offer my life to the cause,
just as James Spooner has done (god rest his sexy soul).
Please note this email will self destruct in 20 days.
Coleman B Mustard; Newcastle, NSW, Australia
PS woolenish clothing and thigh high boots at the ready, as is mandatory.
Belinda Blumenthal.... East German Office
James Spooner RIP... MI6 Office, The Clouds, Sky View cul de sac, Eternity
Sir James Godwin.... Windsor Office... G&T division:
Des Martin... Central London Office
Toffee Apple Chew.... Hayshed Office
Tony Sylvester.... Divorcee Office, West Drayton, London.
Bella Ridley.... East London Office.. Bonking Division
Giselle Special One... Central London Office
Maeve.... Heathrow Office
Bill... HR Office until fired
Ken Dewsbury.... Leeds Office.... underground bonker address please;
Patrick O'Hamlin... Glasgow Office based nr Belfast.
Duchess of Epsom... Horse Box Office
Clarence Duke of Epsom... Hon Member
Dave Wilcox... Bristol Office
Jim Thompson London Office
Jim Stirling... Texas Office
Vicki Mosely... NYC Office
Simone Brown... NYC Office
Belle Sylvester... Sydney Office
Emma Coolen... Holland Office
Petre Minut.... Romania Office
Ruby Lambert.... Hayshed Office
Dagmar Makara..... SE Asia Office
Anna Paone... NYC Office
Emily Schy... Virginia Office
Tara Lauzon... Paris Office
Janie Huisentruit... Seattle Office
Deviant Gnome.... Lagos Office
Nazneen Ridley.... London central Office
Jessica Burton... San Francisco Office
Brendan Grimaldi.... Connecticut Office
Beccy Hitchens.... Llandudno Office
Emma Burnett... Cardiff Office
Emma Littler... Cardiff Office
Lauren Watts-Keane... Cardiff Office
David Glover... Cardiff Office
Nicole Stewart-Rushworth.... Leeds Office
Ashley Huxley.... Canada Office
Charlotte Markivitch..... Pitsburgh Office
Jess Bromby.... London Office
Chris Trood.... Melbourne Office
Katie Clarke.... Manchester Office
Sam Perkins.... London Office
Jacqui Cusack... Melbourne Office
Charlie Tuff... London Office
Kirra Lynam.... Sydney Office
Jeanna Burch.... South Carolina Office
Ruby Wilkins.... Canberra Office
Helen Weselcouch... NYC Office
Lisa Mc Guinness ..... Belfast Mon/Tues and Dublin office Wed Thurs Fri...
Christian Hooper..... Melbourne Office
Robin McCrae....Ontario, Canada Office
Tomas "Woodcock" Laigar.... Gothenburg Office
Katie Chesnut..... Georgia Office
Martin Lachowicz..... West Berlin Office
Billy Lachowicz..... East Berlin Office
Rachel Emery.... London Office
Anna Geddes....... Wellington, New Zealand office
Anika Smith...... York Office
Bexley Fisher..... River Ouse Office
Claire Dixon.... Glasgow Office
Millie Wright.... Phillipines Office
Danielle Turner... Boston Office
Michael George.... Scrub and Dust; the Dunny Office, Australia
Miatar Class(y).... Adelaide Office
Coleman B Mustard.... Newcastle Office NSW Australia
Belle de Beauvoir... Cardiff Office
Drewing Pictures Morgan... Ohio Office
Tea & Coffee Laingge... Sweden Central Office
Catty Mowell.... East Berlin Office Click here to Return to Rocky Flintstone in 5 seconds or this page will destruct...